Special Speech

You’ve done the research. You’re an expert on ballgown silhouettes and sweetheart necklines. Now the time has finally arrivedit’s wedding dress shopping day! But like the rest of the wedding planning process, shopping for a wedding dress is slightly more complex than shopping for your basic pair of slacks. Know what to expect before you hit the stores! First, you must decide where you are going to shop; here are the most common options:

Independently Owned Full Service Bridal Shops
These stores offer a full range of services for the bride and the wedding party, with designers and prices ranging from moderate to high-end. While off-the-rack is possible, these stores typically special-order wedding gowns for brides and attendants, so you should be prepared to wait a few months for your gown to arrive. You will mostly likely be able to purchase all of your bridal accessories, such as shoes, veils, undergarments and jewelry, and an in-store seamstress will consult with you on custom alterations.

Couture Bridal Shops
Couture bridal shops represent a subsection of independently owned full service bridal shops. Offering the same range of services, they carry exclusive designer labels at higher-end prices. These bridal boutiques are usually found in major cities.

Department Stores
Department stores such as Saks Fifth Avenue, Bergdorf Goodman and JC Penny offer wedding gowns, while others such as Lord & Taylor and Hecht’s only offer bridesmaid dresses. These gowns are usually bought off-the-rack; however, your wedding dress may be specially ordered from another store if your size is not in stock. Most of these stores offer in-house alterations.

Discount Bridal Outlets
Discount bridal outlets offer a mix of discontinued national brands and privately labeled merchandise at reduced prices. While you will not find the same level of service found at privately owned bridal shops, you may be able to find the designer wedding dress of your dreams at an affordable price. Dresses are bought off-the-rack, so you may take the gown home the day your purchase it. Since these stores typically do not offer on-site alterations, make sure you can find a trusted seamstress.

Nationwide Bridal Chain Stores
Bridal chain stores manufacture, import, and sell their own private label wedding gowns. While the style selection is more limited than in other types of stores, the prices are usually lower. Be prepared for a lower level of service and little sales assistance, but the ability to buy off the rack at a reasonable price can be a good option for short engagements.

Custom Gown Designers
For a one-of-a-kind wedding gown, you can collaborate with a custom gown designer to specially create a wedding dress just for you. You can find such gown designers in most major cities. Be sure to select a designer whose vision you appreciate and trust.

What to expect once you’re in the shop:

• Make an appointment, and, if possible, try to shop during a weekday. You will receive more attentive service if your sales associate can dedicate his/her time especially for you.

• Consider bringing the lingerie that you will wear at the wedding. This will help you determine exactly how the wedding dress will look and feel on the big day.

• Bring someone with you whose opinion you respect and trust, but avoid bringing an entire brigade of “experts.” Too many opinions will distract you.

• Many bridal boutiques will not simply allow you to browse through the selection of wedding dresses; rather they will bring gowns to you one at a time. At these boutiques, a sales associate will sit down with you to discuss your style and will bring you dresses that reflect your vision.

• That said, allow them to bring you many styles. While you may have an idea of what you want, you never know what looks best on your body style until you try it.

• Most likely, you will not try on dresses in your actual size. Stores typically carry sample sizes (8-10), and the sales associate will pin it to your body.

• Don’t forget that you will have to be fitted - up to 3 times - before your wedding dress fits perfectly. If the store has an in-house seamstress, ask for an alterations estimate.

• Wedding dresses tend to run small, so be prepared to order a size that is larger than you normally wear.

• Go with your gut! If you need to be convinced that a wedding dress looks good on you, it’s probably not “the one.”

• If there is a specific feature you want changed, you can usually request it. Keep in mind that any design changes will increase the cost of the wedding gown.

• When determining the cost of your wedding dress, remember to factor in the cost for the veil, which can run up to $500 and beyond, and other accessories such as shoes, headpiece etc.

• Sleep on it. Most stores have a no return policy, so you need to be sure before making your final decision.

• Once you have found “the dress” and made your final decision, you will usually pay a 50% deposit on the dress.

• Afterwards - the store will take your measurements to order size - don’t be tempted to order one too small in hopes of losing weight.

• Remember that the dress usually takes a few months to be made, so make sure you leave enough time for alterations.

For a complete guide to creating an elegant and memorable wedding celebration, visit http://www.elegala.com/, your ultimate wedding planning resource.

Cori Locklin is editor-in-chief for http://www.elegala.com/ and Elegala Magazine. Elegala is a new wedding planning resource offering the most comprehensive portfolio of superior wedding reception sites and wedding services, along with planning tips, photo galleries and checklists to keep brides in-the-know on today’s wedding trends and styles.

Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is
increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital
affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80%
of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another
involved in marital infidelity.

That may seem like a very steep number. However after two
decades plus of full time work as a marriage and family
therapist, I don’t believe that number is off the charts. I
worked with a great number of people involved in infidelity who
were never discovered.

The possibility that someone close to you is or soon will be
involved in an extramarital affair (any of the three parties) is
extremely high.

Maybe you will know. You will see telltale signs. You will
notice changes in the person’s habits and behavioral patterns as
well as a detachment, lack of focus and reduced productivity.
Maybe you will sense something “out of character” but be unable
to pinpoint what it is.

It is not a given that he/she will tell you. Those hiding the
affair will continue to hide. The “victim” of the extramarital
affair often, at least initially, is racked with anger, hurt,
embarrassment and thoughts of failing that preclude divulging
the crisis.

It might be important to confront the person with your
observations, depending on the status of your relationship with
the person.

It is important to understand that extramarital affairs are
different and serve different purposes.

Out of my study and experience with hundreds of couples I’ve
identified 7 different kinds of infidelity.

Briefly, some extramarital affairs are reactivity to a perceived
lack of intimacy in the marriage. Others arise out of addictive
tendencies or a history of sexual confusion or trauma.

Some in our culture play out issues of entitlement and power by
becoming “trophy chasers.” This “boys will be boys” mentality is
subtly encouraged in some contexts. Some become involved in
marital infidelity because of a high need for drama and
excitement and are enthralled with the idea of “being in love”
and having that “loving feeling.”

An extramarital affair might be for revenge either because the
spouse did or did not do something. Or the revenge may stem from
rage. Although revenge is the motive for both, they look and
feel very different.

Another form of infidelity serves the purpose of affirming
personal desirability. A nagging question of being “OK” may lead
to usually a short-term and one-person affair. And finally, some
affairs are a dance that attempts to balance needs for distance
and intimacy in the marriage, often with collusion from the
spouse.

The prognosis for survivability of the marriage is different for
each. Some affairs are the best thing that happens to a
marriage. Others serve a death knell. As well, different
extramarital affairs demand different strategies on the part of
the spouse or others. Some demand toughness and movement. Others
demand patience and understanding.

The emotional impact of the discovery of infidelity is usually
profound. Days and weeks of sleeplessness, rumination, fantasies
(many sexual) and unproductivity follow. It typically takes 2 -
4 years to “work through” the implications. A good coach or
therapist can accelerate and mollify the process. I don’t
recommend “marriage” counseling, at least initially.

The devastating emotional impact results from a couple powerful
dynamics. Trust is shattered - of one’s ability to discern the
truth. The most important step is NOT to learn to trust the
other person, but to learn to trust one’s self. Another is the
power that a secret plays in relationships. THE secret exacts an
emotional and sometimes physical toll that needs to be
acknowledged and dealt with.

How can you help?

Those in the midst of their affair crisis told me they need this
from you:

1. Sometimes I want to vent, get it out without censor. I know
sometimes I will say what I shouldn’t be saying. It may not be
nice, pretty or mild. Please know that I know better, but I need
to get it off my chest.

2. Every so often I want to hear something like, “This too shall
pass.” Remind me that this is not forever.

3. I want to be validated. I want to know that I am OK. You can
best do that by nodding acceptance when I talk about the pain or
confusion.

4. I want to hear sometimes, “What are you learning? What are
you doing to take care of yourself?” I may need that little jolt
that moves me beyond my pain to see the larger picture.

5. I may want space. I may want you to be quiet and patient as I
attempt to sort through and express my thoughts and feelings.
Give me some time to stammer, stutter and stumble my way through
this.

6. I want someone to point out some new options or different
roads that I might take. But before you do this, make sure I am
first heard and validated.

7. When they pop into your mind, recommend books or other
resources that you think I might find helpful.

8. I want to hear every so often, “How’s it going?” And, I may
want this to be more than an informal greeting. Give me time and
space to let you know exactly how it IS going.

9. I want you to understand and welcome the ambivalent feelings
and desires. I would like you to be fairly comfortable with the
gray areas and the contradictions about how I feel and what I
may want.

10. I want you to be predictable. I want to be able to count on
you to be there, listen and speak consistently or let me know
when you are unable to do that. I will honor that.

Extramarital affairs are powerful. Affairs are costly. They
affect family, friends, colleagues and employers. Infidelity is
also an opportunity - to redesign one’s life and love
relationships in ways that create honor, joy and true intimacy.

After you have booked the facility it is time to get down to the serious business of finding the right wedding photographer for your wedding celebration. This can be tricky because 1) you need to find a wedding photographer whose style agrees with your taste; 2) you need a wedding photographer whose body of work is up to your standards; and 3) you need a wedding photographer whose personality clicks with both of you.

This last trait is quite possibly the most important of the three, although you don’t want to sacrifice any of them if you can help it, in choosing a wedding photographer. Why? Because it is the wedding photographer’s job to set everyone, and you especially, at ease so that the wedding pictures you get reflect the people you love and not some sick caricature of them. And this is best achieved by using a wedding photographer that you feel at ease with. True, there is no guarantee that everyone will feel at ease with the wedding photographer that you choose which is why it is so important for you to choose one that at least you will be comfortable with.

Before we move on, however, be aware that some of the bigger photography studios have a small number of representatives for you to meet with and sell you their wedding photography packages. The problem is that once your wedding party is booked they will give the assignment to someone else, even a freelance wedding photographer that you have never met before. Protect yourself by either using an individual wedding photographer, or a wedding photography company that will guarantee the particular individual that will photograph your wedding. If you can’t get a written guarantee that the individual that you have become so comfortable with will actually be the one providing your wedding photography, keep looking.

Likewise, be sure when choosing your wedding photographer that you see several entire weddings worth of wedding photography that he (or she) personally shot. Anyone can shoot hundreds of pictures and have a few that have turned out great, especially in particularly photogenic situations like weddings tend to be. It takes a real skilled individual though to turn out an entire wedding worth of great wedding photography. Isn’t that exactly what you are hoping to get when you hire your wedding photographer?

Finally, regardless of how sharp and how much of a people person the wedding photographer is there is no way that they are going to know who your great uncle Charlie is or where to look for him if he disappears. So save your wedding photographer (and yourself) time and grief by choosing someone within your wedding party (someone with a strong personality) who knows everyone involved to be the wedding photographer’s contact person.

Remember, any given wedding photographer is only one person (or, in some cases, one team). This means that they can only be in one place at a time. Since most weddings happen on Saturdays they are most busy on Saturdays, meaning that they will often charge a higher price to do a Saturday wedding than they would a Friday or Sunday wedding. It also means that the wedding photographer may well be coming from another wedding before yours, or be heading to another wedding after yours, if you do have a Saturday wedding so your cooperation with the wedding photographer will go a long way toward getting great wedding photography.

Jeanette Shinn is the founder, operator, and edible design artist behind Layer By Layer, http://www.frostingonthecake.com, a special order bakery serving weddings and other special occasion needs of the Portland, Oregon metropolitan area. Jeanette is also the co-owner of Your Wedding Cake and Favors http://www.wedding-cakes-portal.com a website dedicated to helping brides realize their wedding day dreams with advice and resources for the entire wedding experience.

Almost every girl dreams of a beautiful and romantic wedding for
most of her life. Now that your time has come and you’re
planning your dream wedding, what could be more beautiful or
more romantic than a dream wedding in Hawaii? With the costs of
so-called destination weddings dropping into the ranges of
affordability for more and more people and resort hotels and
airlines offering attractive packages at reduced and combined
rates, now is the perfect time to arrange an incredible and
exotic Hawaii wedding!

If you’re interested in holding your wedding ceremony among the
beauty and splendor of the Hawaiian Islands there are an
incredible number of sources to help you plan your lavish Hawaii
wedding. Hawaii has long been a favorite destination for
newlywed honeymooners and couples looking for an exotic locale
for their wedding celebrations, and there are a large number of
companies on the islands that specialize in helping you create
and enjoy the most amazing wedding in the splendor of Hawaii.
Companies that specialize in waterfall wedding and beach
weddings abound and are there to see to every detail of a
wedding service that you will remember for a lifetime. A
romantic tropical paradise wedding can be yours for much less
cost than you may think.

Feeling adventurous? Then a whirlwind wedding on the island of
Maui followed by a thrilling helicopter trip high above the
beautiful landscape may be right up your alley. Maybe you and
your beloved are more reserved? Then perhaps a quite beach or
garden gazebo Hawaii wedding is more your style. There are
companies that will marry you on a yacht in the middle of the
Pacific Ocean if that’s your style. And who could resist the
temptation of saying “I do” at a small, private Maui ceremony
followed by a romantic dinner for two? All these options and
more await you when you decide to have your wedding in beautiful
Hawaii.

If you’ve dreamed of a glamorous Hawaii wedding but never looked
into it because you assumed the cost would be prohibitive, you
should put those thoughts out of your mind right away. Companies
offering the romantic Hawaii weddings discussed above have rates
that will surprise you. Many of the tempting Hawaii weddings
available can be had for anywhere between several hundred to
less than two thousand dollars (not including hotel and airfare,
of course.) With the costs of traditional weddings skyrocketing,
a small but memorable Hawaii wedding may be well within your
reach.

Regardless of where you have your wedding, you’re sure to
remember it fondly for the rest of your life. If you want those
memories to be that much more special and to spark romance in
your heart and mind whenever you think of them, then an amazing
and breathtaking Hawaii wedding on the beach, in a lush garden
paradise, or in front of a romantic waterfall may be the perfect
thing for you and your spouse to enjoy today and remember
forever.